Before you play the “devil’s advocate” with your friend, spouse, child, parent or colleague, it might be good to check in with them first and ask: “in this situation, would you rather be supported or would you be interested in hearing another perspective?”
Many like to play the devil's advocate and it got me thinking if you’re being the devil's advocate in a conversation, then aren’t you being an advocate for the devil😈? I realize it’s a matter of speech, but it’s powerful language nonetheless.
When put that way it doesn’t sound very kind, compassionate, empathetic or loving. It becomes an ego battle of who is “right” on the level of the personality.
On some level, consciously or subconsciously, I’m sure many of us are aware of the other side of the situation. We have the ability to look at a situation from both perspectives. However, we all want to be seen and heard. And we are looking for empathy with where we are at to feel through the emotional turmoil we are in rather than having our feelings discounted by turning away from our inner landscape to see the other side. When you are in a conversation with someone who is processing a situation, playing the devil's advocate is not always the best thing to do at that moment. Of course, in healing there is the “full circle⭕️moment” but grace, mercy & forgiveness have come for me AFTER I have digested my own thoughts, feelings and emotions in a situation, not before.
Why not before? Well, I did that for many years and that got me emotional suppression and repression, which led to deep depression. I was so good at seeing everybody else’s side that I constantly discounted my own. I would let people walk all over me and never point out anything negative in them. Instead, I let them constantly point out all the things that were wrong with me, and then I would try to morph and change to fit into their world, jump through their hoops and never ask what I needed.
It was through self-compassion and tending & befriending my inner landscape that my soul landed at home🏠, not by listening to every external voice that continually discounted me.
Many are looking for love’s advocate in our conversations. To hear the other side, you have to first listen to the voice of your own heart❤️.
Tune out in order to tune in. Start by paying attention to how you feel when you’re with others. And it includes granting yourself grace for “bad days” because who hasn’t had one of those? 🙋♀️We are offering the Mind, Body, Soul retreat October 18-20, 2024 in Canmore, Alberta - I hope you will consider joining us as we learn skills to navigate our mental, emotional and spiritual aspects of health and integrate soulful practices into well-being. Early bird ends September 15, 2024.
